You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
