At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
