38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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