I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
