i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
