You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
