She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
