she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
