he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
