Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
