my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
