Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
