through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
