At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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