Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
