I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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