Who did Billy Mays play for?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
