Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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