my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize