# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
