You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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