It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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