I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
