I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
