i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
