Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
