I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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