I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
