That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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