Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
