Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
