i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
