Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
