Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
