Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
