I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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