At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
