i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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