I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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