Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
