I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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