it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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