It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
