The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize