shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
