Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
