I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
