At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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