Say something about gay babies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
