PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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