I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
