Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
