so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sarcasm needs its own font
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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