so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
