I should be sponsored by Trojan
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
