i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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