i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
