Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
