had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
