i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
