I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize