sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize