i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
handjob tips. give me some.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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