You're a womanizer and a bitch.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
