yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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