Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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