I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Damn victory sex feels great
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
