it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
