my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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